


The Advantages of Eavesdropping – F#@k, Marry, Kill (version 2)

by Shortsandramblings



Series: Ramdom Shorts (...and Ramblings) [13]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eavesdropping, F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 12:18:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11577930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shortsandramblings/pseuds/Shortsandramblings
Summary: This is one of many short-fics that have been siting in my computer files for ages; finally looked over the draft and finished it.Enjoy :)





	The Advantages of Eavesdropping – F#@k, Marry, Kill (version 2)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [F#@k, Marry, Kill](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6501478) by [Shortsandramblings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shortsandramblings/pseuds/Shortsandramblings). 



> This is one of many short-fics that have been siting in my computer files for ages; finally looked over the draft and finished it.  
> Enjoy :)

 

 

The second Stannis’ gaze met his older brother's he knew something bad was about to happen.

 

Truthfully, the first clear hint of a storm brewing was the fact that Robert and he were in a restaurant-bar. With other people around. And it was only mid-afternoon.

_The papers are signed. We have the contract_ , Stannis repeated to himself for the hundredth time. It was also a good thing that the men from the Iron Bank had left not long after the business lunch had been concluded.

Truthfully, Stannis wondered once more how Robert had convinced _him_ to stay behind a little longer, to have a ‘ _celebratory drink_ ’.

_Oh right_ , _yes_. Stannis was here to make sure it was just _one_ drink, and that Robert actually returned to the office, instead of spending the rest of the afternoon (and evening) ‘ _celebrating’_. On the other hand, he knew it would be too much to ask – _wish_ \- of his brother for the drink to be non-alcoholic.

Still, all this dread that had been simmering during the whole of the lunch now only increased tenfold when taking note of the great big grin and his brother’s dark blue eyes – so similar to their father’s - shining with victory.

 

“Look over _there_ , Stanny – a whole booth filled with gorgeous women ripe for the picking.”

At the remark Stannis wondered if there would be any point to remind Robert that he was still technically _married_ , currently in the mix of a very messy divorce, and Tywin Lannister’s hound of lawyers would use any means to destroy - brick by brick – the Baratheon name; everything of the legacy their parents left them that Stannis was hopeful Shireen would continue when she was older.

And all this was not even delving into the fact that being in a bar at this time of day, Stannis could only assume these ‘ _women’_ were university students (as seemed to be most of the other current patrons of the establishment) – ie: way too young for Robert – _42_ \- or even possibly himself – 37 - and were probably barely of age. Stannis could already see the headlines now... as well as Tywin Lannister’s lawyers.

But before he could make such observation, Robert was already on the other side of the room, having moved more swiftly and effortlessly than Stannis thought a man of Robert stature – _bulk_ \- could be able to do.

Then again, when it came to young, gorgeous women Robert always seemed to unearth hidden faculties (which he unfortunately did not find or use for anything actually _useful_... _like actually running BI_.)

 

By the time Stannis had reached Robert’s side, he could already hear in the noise of ladies giggling, from the other side of a booth separation wall. _By the Seven_ , he hated the sound; it was not all that different from hyenas on helium in his mind. As for the women themselves... what was there to _giggle_ so much about?

He sighed internally. _Women_. Would he ever understand them?

He turned his focus back on Robert... who was already leaning against a column (clearly very well-built, sturdy column) listening in on whatever was being said on the other side of the partition.

Stannis bristled, whispering harshly in his brother’s ear, “ _Robert you shouldn’t eavesdrop!_ ”

Of course it was then that the worse thing possible happened. – _Well, maybe not the worst_ , but enough for any possible departure on Robert’s part was _immediately_ crushed by two words:

 

> \- “... _Robert Baratheon_.”

Just the sound of his own name.

Robert was too much of a self-centred fool to _not_ listen in on what they were saying about _him_.

 

> \- “ _Ah yes, of course: Robert, Stannis, and Renly Baratheon. The Baratheon Trio. Fuck, Marry, Kill – Who wants to have a go at that?_ ”

Stannis’ ears perk up involuntarily at the sound of _his_ name, for then his jaw to clench. Did these women really have nothing better to do than put men together and pick at them in a similar way to selecting pieces of meat in a butcher shop?

 

> \- “ _Well I just went_...”
> 
> \- “ _Fair enough... how about you Arianne_?”
> 
> \- “ _No, no... Arianne already did Robert with Rhaegar Targaryen and Uncle Brandon... And Margeary can’t go either as she already did Renly when she had to pick between him, Joffrey, and Tommen... Arya stop sulking because you had to choose someone to marry (and not just fuck all three) between Edric Dayne, Gendry Waters and Jacquen_.”

Stannis sneaked a glance over the wall just in time to witness a dark haired girl (who looked somewhat familiar) glaring at a slightly older (rather attractive) red-head, “ _Fine_. Well maybe _you_ should have a go _San-sa_.”

The red-head woman’s long lashes fluttered, as her eyebrows rose – clearly not expecting the attack - but instead of countering, she gave a small nod of acceptance, “Alright.”

 

> \- “ _Well, go on._ ”
> 
> \- “ _Let me think for a moment: Robert... Stannis... Renly... Well... I think I would... marry Renly, fuck Stannis and kill Robert._ ”

 

Stannis blinked.

He had been _picked_. And not to be killed. People had never picked him. In school, Stannis had gone on the track team so not to be compared with ‘ _oh-so-great Robert_ ’.

And this woman - _beautiful woman_ \- preferred _fucking_ him rather than Robert or Renly. _Him_. Stannis wasn’t even ashamed that there was a slight twitch in his groin area and his trousers became just a little tighter and less comfortable as a strange restlessness ran through him.

Even as his ears buzzed slightly and he craned his neck once more to sneak another peak at the red-head, Stannis heard the distant sound of a grunt of outraged disproval next to him.

He looked over to find Robert face tight, clearly not pleased by the red-head’s choice. His outraged, confused face turned to Stannis, and barked in the loudest whisper, “I thought Renly was _gay_? Didn’t _you_ tell me Renly was _gay_?” now clearly ready to blame _Stannis_ for false information, as well as the young woman for preferring to marry their _homosexual_ brother over _him, Robert Baratheon_.

It seemed one of the redhead’s companions had a similar issue to his brother, as Stannis heard not a second later,

 

> \- “ _But isn’t Renly Baratheon gay?... Wouldn’t that bother you, Sansa_?”

Robert gave a hard nod of righteousness at the statement.

 

> \- “ _Not more so than Robert’s excessive drinking...”_

Robert blinked and his eyes bulged, while his mouth gaped.

Keeping his face as impassive as possible, Stannis looked pointedly at the two near-empty pint glasses in his brother’s hands (one of them having supposedly been for Stannis).

 

> “... _plus the guy sleeps around way too much. No offence, but that is definitely not a great endorsement for future husband or bedmate. No self-respecting woman wants to find herself riddled with STDs... With Renly, he would have his bedmate, and I could choose mine, and there would be no chance that he would not go in some prideful rage if you slept with someone else; I always thought Robert was rather a hypocrite about that... In any case, Renly actually has impeccable taste in clothes and furniture gets tickets for all the latest fashion shows and theatre premiers. Sue me for wanting the nicer things in life._ ”

While, Stannis wasn’t sure what to think of the young lady’s lax attitude to sacred vows, he couldn’t help but agree that Renly most probably made a far better husband that Robert. Even without the drinking and the extramarital affairs Robert really did not make the best husband (hence why the divorce).

And he couldn’t really blame the young lady not wanting to marry him; his own marriage had been an utter failure from the start. The only good thing that had come out of it was Shireen.

 

 

> \- “ _Ok, fine. I’ll grant you that. But_ Stannis... _he’s a_ robot. _Would he really know how to do_ anything _with a woman_?”

Before Stannis own indignation could materialise, there was a huff from the other side of the table,

 

> \- “ _Nonsense. Jeyne, stop being so stupid_. _The guy has a daughter - where do you think she came from: a cabbage patch? Or perhaps a stork brought her?..._ ”

While Stannis agreed fundamentally with the voice, he did not recognise it as being the red-head’s.

 

> “... _Besides, you sound like some teenage girl only able to get the interests of boys. Just because he doesn’t go for any old floozy, like Big-Bob_ ”— sputter of righteous anger to the right of Stannis’ ear - “... _and actually has standards, doesn’t mean he is an asexual_ robot...”

Unable to hold back (and completely ignoring Robert’s grimace next to him), Stannis sneaked a last peak, actually recognising the brunette speaking: Margaery Tyrell, Renly’s ‘ _secret’_ boyfriend’s sister.

 

> “... _In any case, you know that hot cougar redhead that’s been hit on Sansa’s cousin, Jon. Well, I have it on good authority that Stannis fucked her on one of the BI Conference tables, which - side-note - is why Renly now always knocks before entering a room... and refuses to use_ that _specific boardroom for any meeting. He is apparently a beast; he was so good that this Mel woman was convinced he was some kind of god of something_...”

His ears slightly warmer, ignoring Robert gaping stare, Stannis’ jaw clenched as he gave himself a note to have a chat with Renly about talking about _his_ private affairs with a third party.

 

> “... _But_ really _ladies_ , _I do_ really _need to remind you all of a certain_ Sandor. _Clearly_ ‘mademoiselle Sansa’ _doesn't mind older tall dark brooding men_. _I for one think Stannis Baratheon would be just her type_.”

Perhaps the Tyrell girl wasn’t so bad after all... Stannis – _really_ \- should not have ever judged her so fast, just because of her last name. _I mean, one did not chooses the family you are born in_.

 

There was a moment’s pause before Stannis felt a sudden jamb in his ribs. Teeth clenching once more, Stannis turned to find at Robert sullen, refusing to meet his eye, giving him a disgruntled huff – “For once you were right Stannis, this was a stupid idea... Let’s go back to the office.”

He was pretty sure he also heard Robert mumble something along the lines of ‘ _Women, don’t bloody know what they are talking about_ ’ under his breath, but the next moment Robert was already halfway towards the door before Stannis had any time to react.

As he moved to follow at a slower pace behind his older brother, Stannis couldn’t help but note Robert had not finished the last dregs of his drinks (as he always did).

 

**.**

 

By the time Stannis has returned to BI Tower, Robert was already there, seeming in the midst of growling at his PA about getting knew furniture for all the boardrooms.

 

Not wanting to be privy to such a conversation, Stannis made a bee-line for his own office... only to be derailed by Renly just as he reached his door.

“What’s wrong with Big-Old-Bob, who put a bee up his ass?”

Caught off guard, Stannis couldn’t stop himself from answering, “he got his overly large ego bruised.”

At the answer, Renly’s eyebrows naturally rose, to be quickly followed by his gaze going from Stannis to the general direction they could still hear Robert’s voice coming from, and back to Stannis with increased interest. “ _Oh_? Do tell.”

Stannis was momentarily tempted to blurt ‘ _some gorgeous redhead named_ ‘Sansa’ _wants to fuck me over him_ ’ but thankfully regained his senses beforehand. It would have been more than brutish and crass of him.

Instead, with a blank cool exterior, he gave a non-committal huff, “he has come to realise he doesn’t curry much favour with young – self-respecting - women.”

Renly gave a snort, “Well, it’s about time if you ask me” before he took a step in the direction of his own office.

 

Before Stannis could think better of it, he uttered, “ _Actually_ , Renly, whilst you are here; Loras’ sister, Margeary...”

Halting his next step and staring at Stannis with a frown, clearly confused by Stannis’ interest in Tyrells... or Renly’s personal life, Renly quirked an eyebrow as he gave Stannis an elongated “ _y-yes_...”

“Her and her friends Jeyne, Sansa, Arianne, Arya... they are still at King’s University, right?”

Though looking even more questioningly at Stannis, Renly gave a nod, “Yes... they are doing their MBAs... well, apart from Arya who is still an undergrad at Winterfell. I think she here visiting Sansa at the moment, come to think of it...”

As Renly kept prattling on, Stannis felt a small jolt run through him at his brother’s response: _MBAs_ \- _that means she is at the very least 23-24, right_?

So... not _too_ , too young then.

_Still_ , more information was needed.

 

 

=

 

 

**A week later**

 

Having just joined Jeyne and Marg near in the lecture room (Arianne was nowhere in sight – _surprise, surprise_... probably just waking up in their E-Con teacher, Aerys Oakheart, arms), Sansa was in the midst of sitting down and taking out her stuff when Jeyne announced, “Did you guys hear? – We’re having a guest speaker today.”

Marg eyebrows rose (probably from hearing any kind of gossip or information _after_ Jeyne), “Oh really, who?”

“Someone from BI apparently.”

“Well, let’s just hope it’s not Robert... there only so many times I’ll be able to take him leering at any person with ti”—

Just then the double doors at the bottom of the amphitheatre opened, Professor Arryn coming in, followed by a tall, dark haired (hair possibly receding a bit), board shouldered man...

... _Stannis_ Baratheon, not Robert.

Sansa barely heard Marg next to her whispering with a grin – “what did I tell you Jeyne... _older tall dark brooding man_ , just Sansa's type” – when his dark-blue eyes seemed to flicker straight on _her_.

 

 


End file.
